Empty Fulfillment

There is a quickly expanding void in my soul that torments my existence.
Lingering like a dark shadow, reminding me constantly of its presence.
Haunting my every thought, my dreams, fighting me for possession.
Of me, of my will, it wants to gain full and complete dominion…
And I’m not sure that I want to keep resisting.

You see it’s eating at me, like a black hole absorbing everything it touches.
My strength, my resolve, my good sense, along with my happiness.
Keeping me on its strings, dancing me around like a demented Geppetto.
But In reverse because this puppeteer has turned a real boy into its Pinocchio.

For a long time it’s been banging, “jail keep, jail keep, let me out”.
And I’ve kept it at bay mostly, releasing it only to walk the yard.
It threatening all the time that I won’t be able to hold it for long.
That the figments of my imagination that I call restraints, one day would be gone.
And it seems that day has finally come…

It’s free

No longer bounded or gagged, it does what it wants when it pleases.
Like a bully on the playground doing shakedowns, what it wants it takes it.
Its last haul was my compass, leaving me a blind traveler with no true north.
Sailing only by senses, no true way of getting back to port.
But oddly enough, I’m not worried…

For as lost as I am, I feel incredibly alive and freed.
Flooded by pain that rushes down like lava, I Just wish to lay quiet and have it consume me.
Ravage my soul and turn its already broken pieces into smaller fragments.
Because as insane as it sounds, I don’t recognize the person in the mirror
But I’ve never felt more like myself…

Totally trapped in this growing darkness,
unsure if this state is one of permanence.
Or whether One day I’ll find my way out,
And take with me this part I found, while I was Lost.

 

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