My will weakens

My will weakens
And I struggle
denying my more
Destructive cravings.
You stand first among them,
Straddling like an Olympian,
The tornado that pulls me in.

I feel the tap on my shoulder,
In comes vulnerability.
I think of yesterday,
Having you next to me.
Then I start to dial.
Key’s in hand
In stride to the door,
But…no.
Two shots.
Two shots.
Two shots.
TWO MORE!
Fighting the urge not to go.

Sometimes that’s the only way
Not to think of you.
To forget how you feel.
To subdue memories
Of the things we’d do.

I miss the smell of your hair,
How your body
Synchronized with mine.
I remember we use to dance.
One glass turning into
Bottles of wine,
While the world slept
And felt as though so did time.

We’d press play
And hopped the magic carpet.
Each song another trip,
Teleported into a trance
Of tantric desires
Where nothing else existed.
No one else but us.
Nowhere else but here.
Nothing else but this.

Your grip a story
Telling how much you missed me.
My hands slowly traveling
The contours of your body.
Retracing their path
Like fading footsteps in the sand.
Taken in by your vortex,
A lustful loop
I hate to love to be in.
But for it, he calls.

He brings her calm,
And she sings to him.
Our bodies just vessels
With the urge to submit
To their whim.
To welcome the pleasure
Of their communion.

But it never ends well.
The ghost of our loves’ past
Returning to that impasse.
Hours spent in heaven,
Only to arrive in hell.

…

As all the times before,
You can be so convincing.
But the downside is too great,
So I must deny you, my demon.

I’m aware you will keep fighting,
This won’t end with a simple no.
So cheers, I’ll keep drinking
Until this is empty.
Two shots.
One for us both.
May the best self win.