Open Cheek

A perfect example as to why you should always mind your own business!!!

It was just another day, the morning started off like any other. I slowly opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the light, while I tried to ignore what felt like pools of acid welling up beneath my eyelids. Stuck in a nostalgic staring match with the ceiling, I laid there with a sense of appreciation for seeing another day and great optimism for all the beautiful things that could happen. This of course was quickly followed by a heavy feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomach. Rolling over feeling my pillow on my cheek, reminiscing on our chemistry and on the bond we were forming, before my damn alarm for work went off. Slowly I rose, like smog over the hills of Kampala, from another two hour stint in bed, or what I like to call sleep.

Through great labor, similar to those performed by Hercules, I managed to get myself vertical into a sitting position at the edge of the bed. I sat there for about 10 minutes, as I usually do, going over my day in my head. 80% of that time I spend thinking about my entrepreneurial goals and what I need to do in the day to get me closer to them. I spend another minute reassuring myself that my current state is only temporary, and that it’s just a matter of time before the vines of my hard work bears fruit. The last minute I use to talk myself out of giving in to the strong seductive advances of my bed and comforter. Their plush softness and warmth that caresses each cell of my weary body so very nicely.

“Lay down and relax sexy, you know you want to. We will touch you in ways you’ve only dream’t about. Just 10 more minutes, we promise to let you go after that (wink).” 

Anyway, after getting through my second great labor I took a quick shower, got dressed and left for work. I arrived just in the nick of time to clock in for another fantastic day in work utopia, or so my smile says. Gave myself another nice little pep talk, then I was off. By the way, I work in a hospital.

Back and forth I went, department to department, patient after patient. About four hours into what turned out to be a whirlwind of a shift, to save energy and pieces of my sanity, I went into autopilot. It was just about then that I walked by two physical therapists. I have no idea what the topic of conversation was, but as I passed by them I heard, “one cheek was open“. I really didn’t hear much else other than her partner agreeing. This, as you could imagine, left me with a long list of increasingly difficult questions. Only the one cheek was open? Does that mean both are technically open? Is this a face cheek, or a butt cheek? (My assumption was butt).  Why was this rouge butt cheek open? And what plans did they have for it? So… so many questions. I walked away puzzled, confused and a little concerned about the owner of this opened butt cheek.

While sorting through this conundrum in my head, I went a couple floors up for another patient. I saw three nurses, one inside a small room speaking to someone on the phone while the other two stood outside engaging in a mini-conference with her. At first, I didn’t think much of it. The thought of the two incidences being connected was nowhere near my mind. That was until nurse two, who stood outside of the room, said to nurse one that was inside the room on the phone,  “this is for an anal review“. Right away in my head a light bulb went off… BINGO! The two cases are connected, and I just cracked this mystery wide open (no pun intended).  Then the nurse said “annually“and the confusion came right back, but this time with company. My mind slipped into over drive trying to solve this riddle. Why is this person having an annual anal review? Who would do this? And why are we enabling him (or her)?

Then a voice said, “wait, reviews are for employees”.  What was confusion quickly mutated into an intense fear. I did not sign up for an annual anal review, or any anal review for that matter. “Fuck no, let’s go“, said myself- to myself. Just when I was about to flee, the nurse repeated her entire statement- “This is for the annual review“. Hearing it now, that makes the most sense. But you have to understand that I was having a long day, and my mind began to wander.

This was one of the longest and most confusing five minutes of my life. Actually, that’s a lie. This wouldn’t even crack the top 50. But it did through for a a fascinating loop. I still don’t know what happened to that phantom cheek, but I’m a lot less concerned about it now. What this did do, however, is remind me of a three valuable lessons. It reminded me to hold my assumptions until I have all the facts, not to listen to conversations that are not my own, and always above all mind my own business.

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