This is my hell

I love love,
I’m a fan of its concept.
From the improbable
To the magically unforgettable to…
But loving love
Left my heart a frozen shell.
Then loving the memory of love
Warmed it enough to thaw again.
But loving love reminds me
That love doesn’t love me the same.
This is my hell.

My heart travels through voids
Into temporary pockets.
I regain feeling,
Emotions wash over my senses.
Then back into the emptiness
Where I feel nothing,
Except the pain
And the cold numbness.

Now I’m just mad at myself I guess
For allowing life to strip you from my fingers
In the blind chase of something else.
Reaching for it all
And losing the most important thing.
That seems to be my lesson.

So again I’ll love the memory of love,
It’s frozen again so I must.
One day once more I might.
In my heart,
I’d like to find it.
But for now I’ll settle for lust,
and surrender to my demons for torture.