What if, If only

I grow tired of
Filling the spaces where
You’re supposed to be.
When they leave
What creeps back
Next to me are
What if and If only.
And neither is much company.

What If you fell on me
Like drops of summer rain,
Cool and calming.
If I caressed your skin
Like the warmth of the sun
Over the chill of the morning.

Moving from one to the next.
They only remind me of what I want
And what I’m missing.
A past colliding with the present.

But-
Even then it was obvious.
There was never going
To be an us.
Slipping away into
Pockets of time
For me to see your smile,
And for you to see mine…
That was all borrowed.

We were two
Immiscible souls
Brought together
But forbidden to merge.
Sharing ecstasy,
Passing from one soul
And to the next
Like divine osmosis.
Falling out of alignment
With the universe and falling
Into each other’s orbit.

A conjured anomaly,
A world created
Outside of reality,
And in spite of how real it felt,
Was only meant to be temporary.
Painfully realized and accepted.

In the after existing on this level,
Remembering passion has a penthouse
Above these lowgrade connections.
I lay here with what if and if only.
What if we could have cheated fate.
If only we could have kept
The bliss we created.