Empty Fulfillment

There is a quickly expanding void in my soul
That torments my existence.
Lingering like a dark shadow,
Reminding me constantly of its presence.
Haunting my every thought, my dreams,
Fighting me for possession.
Of me, of my will,
It wants to gain full and complete dominion…
And I’m not sure i’ll keep resisting.

You see it’s eating at me,
Like a black hole absorbing everything it touches,
My strength, my resolve, my good sense,
Targeting my happiness.
Keeping me on its strings,
Dancing me around like a demented Geppetto.
But In reverse because this puppeteer
Has turned a real boy into its Pinocchio.

For a long time it’s been banging,
“Release me, let me out or I’ll break free”.
And I’ve kept it at bay mostly,
Releasing it only to walk the yard.
Threatening all the time
That I won’t be able to hold it for long.
That the figments of my imagination that I call restraints,
One day would be gone.
And it seems that day has finally come…

No longer bounded or gagged,
It does what it wants when it pleases.
Like a bully on the playground doing shakedowns,
What it wants it takes it.
Its last haul was my compass,
Leaving me a blind traveler with no true north.
Sailing only by senses,
No true way of getting back to port.
Still, I’m not worried.

For as lost as I am,
I feel incredibly alive and free.
Flooded by pain that rushes down like lava,
I Just wish to lay quiet and have it consume me.
Ravage my soul and turn its already broken pieces
Into even smaller fragments.
Because as insane as it sounds,
I don’t recognize the person in the mirror
But I’ve never felt more like myself.

Totally trapped in this growing darkness,
unsure if this state is one of permanence.
Or whether One day I’ll find my way out,
And take with me this part I found while I was Lost.

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